Oh how I wish that NT's understood that.
How hard is it to just say what you mean and not play games with words. When you ask me how I am, do you want the truth, or do you just want me to say "fine" even if I am not "fine" at all? When you ask me if this dress makes you look fat, why are you so shocked when I answer truthfully? I sure wish someone would have told me the truth before I wore that hideous dress to my son's wedding. It took my Aspie younger son to tell me that I should never wear a backless dress. It seems I have way too many moles on my back. It also made me look like an elephant but that's another story.
My Youngest had a melt down at school yesterday. Now these are to be expected, she hasn't been at a brick and mortar school since sixth grade. But yesterday the routine was disturbed more than she had expected. She was expecting the class routine to be interrupted because she was a part of the Pit for the play her school is putting on. But what she wasn't expecting was for the whole school to be together for lunch. (the school is large enough that there are three lunch periods) Anyway, the cafeteria was crowded and much louder than usual, so that by the time she got to her next class, she was in a little bit of distress. Now to her teachers credit, they noticed her with her hands on her ears, sitting on the floor and separated her from the class. The problem started when they took her to the nurse.
Normally this would be the perfect thing to do, but Katie is just uncomfortable with this person. She gives me the willys too. Katie also has trouble with tactile issues. She doesn't like just anyone touching her and she can only handle a certain kind of touch. It took many years for her to even let me hug her. Naturally when the nurse, who Katie has had very limited contact with, started putting her arm on Katie's shoulder, Katie bristled and told her she didn't like to be touched. Consequently when Katie's favorite teacher came in and put her hand on Katie's shoulder, like she does every day, the nurse jumped in and told the teacher not to do that. Now here's where things get complicated. Katie, who was getting calmer said, "Oh that's OK, I like Mrs. C" (the teacher). Pretty innocent to my ears. The nurse didn't think so. Immediately she got defensive and proceeded to bombard Katie with questions. Why don't you like me? I've done all these things for you, but you don't like me? etc. Instead of taking care of an upset student with a disability, she turned it all around to herself.
Well you can guess what happened next. Katie started crying and three times said, "that came out wrong", but the questioning continued. And she was told she shouldn't have said that. It's hard enough interpreting what others are saying when you are calm, but during a meltdown, it is near impossible. It's harder to tell the lies that people seem to want to hear, when you are upset. Katie usually just shuts down completely, this time she started to cry harder and they finally left her alone.
I can't quite put my finger on why this lady makes me uncomfortable. It's probably a bunch of things. She always makes me feel like she is just too busy to talk to me about Katie. She is condescending and critical. I am a nurse too and she knows this, but she acts like she should be the one who knows best what Katie needs. Katie tells me that when she told her that it wasn't her medication that was causing her stomach to hurt, the nurse responded "yes Doctor" in a sarcastic way. Good Grief, this is a high school girl. Did she not consider that the kid just had cramps? So needless to say, Katie is not comfortable with the lady, and yes, she doesn't like her. But does she really want to know why we don't like her? I doubt it. So I am sure that when she asks Katie how she is, Katie will lie and answer "fine" even though that's not what health care professionals are for, now is it?