Monday, November 24, 2008


I got a compliment the other day. Someone I admire, told me that she liked my hair this length. I normally keep my hair quite short, which I am sure makes some NTs (non Aspies) think, Why does she do that? My monster-in-law used to think that telling me I looked like a boy was an appropriate comment.

How do you tell someone that you like the way your hair LOOKS too, but you can't stand how it feels?

I don't mean you just don't like the way it feels, I mean you really can't stand it. Right now, the hair at the back of my neck is one inch long (I measured it). Last night as I struggled to get to sleep, I constantly tried to fold it up off my neck. Since it is too short for a pony tail, I don't even have that option. I tried growing it long enough for a pony tail, but not only does a pony tail look ridiculous for someone my age, but sleeping with a pony tail is quite impossible. Then of course there's those few tiny wisps of hair that come loose and fall back on the neck. It makes me shiver just to think about it

I keep my hair clean but it always feels like tiny livestock have taken up residence on my head. Trust me they haven't. My family and my doctor are getting tired of checking my head for these unwelcome guests.

Sometimes when the creepy crawlies aren't so bad, usually in the summer when I can keep my head in the pool, I am able to grow my hair just long enough for it to curl. Boy do the compliments come then. Back in high school, I had long hair. Everybody did, even the guys. That naturally curl once prompted my dad to tell me I looked like a Cocker Spaniel. He was drunk, I cried, but he was right. We called them dog ears then, when we pulled our hair to each side and tied it off with a rubber band. Mine curled just like a cocker's ears. (Don't think too badly of my dad, he joined AA and had been sober 23 years when he died earlier this year.)

You'd think the compliments would be enough for me to put up with the discomfort of long hair on my neck. After all women for years have made themselves uncomfortable in order to look good: Corsets, girdles, bras, pantyhose, pointy spike heels, fake nails (tried those a couple times. I swear those girls love to make my cuticles bleed)

Maybe I can put it in perspective: Warning: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
Have you ever heard the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. Yeah -- That sound. Now imagine it never stopping. You can't grab the kid doing it and tie his arms up with duck tape, You can't hit the mute button like I do when I watch "From the Hip". All you can do is stick your head in a bucket of water or cut your hair.
So I cut my hair----short. And I look silly. And I wear a hat.. And I don't ask my friend if she likes my hair because she promised not to lie to me, she just doesn't answer.

When my dad came out of the hospital after drying out, people would come up to him and tell him how great he looked. He would wonder how bad he looked before. I think I get my Aspergers from him. When someone who sees me all the time tells me that my hair looks great at this length, I can only conclude that it didn't look as good before. Of course NT's deny that, but what can you say......

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