Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Oh, He's just like that! and other platitudes

What is that supposed to mean exactly? I've heard it used often, most recently today, to excuse bad behavior.

He's Rude... Well he's like that, don't let it bother you.
She's unfriendly!.... Don't take it the wrong way, she's just like that.
He's grumpy. ... Oh it's not you, he doesn't mean anything, He's just like that.
He just shot my wife..... Yeah, well, he does that sometimes.

Just because he/she is "like" that doesn't make it right does it?

All of those platitudes really confuse me. They also annoy me.

Today, as I walked up the hall to the stairs outside the office, the door to the office suddenly closed. I've seen that happen for instance when there is a private conversation going on or someone is getting fired, but today that was not the case. Trust me. No today someone was playing a cruel joke.

It's common knowledge that I talk a lot; especially when I get excited. That's one of the side effects of my Aspergers. Some kids I know, my daughter in particular, will go on at length about their special interest. Katie's is Pokemon. She knows all their names and strengths, types, everything. I have to ask her to slow down because I can't absorb it all.

In addition to computers, mine is my thirst to know everything; every little bit of trivial and not so trivial information. If it interests me, I figure it might interest everybody else. Some times it does. Sometimes it doesn't. I can't tell which it at the time and I just can't stop. I've tried. I can't.

People I see more than a couple of times, are informed of this and I try to apologize. Sometimes that leads into a monologue about Aspergers, so it doesn't always work.

Today after the door closed , I looked in and saw that there was nothing private going on, just some of the same people who sit and talk with the assistant like I do. They all knew me well. I saw who had closed the door too. I waved hello and made a gesture trying to ask if the program I was coming to see was down stairs. They opened the door laughing and I was told yes it was downstairs.

Oh yeah This was some funny joke. Here comes Tiggerr, let's close the door quick.

Luckily I was early so I had about fifteen minutes to cry and then try to get my face looking lets like a swollen balloon. Someone did ask me if I had a cold though.

After the program I came upstairs and the assistant, called me in. She wanted to talk about a fundraiser that I had volunteered to help with. I told her that this man had hurt me. I told her that didn't they all know I'd shut up if I could.

Then I got all the same platitudes. He didn't mean anything by it, He's a good guy, He was just trying to be funny yada yada yada.

Well I responded that he did mean it and then asked
"If "K" was walking up, would he have done it."
To her "he probably would"
I answered: "No he wouldn't and you know it."
Then we changed the subject. Crying was not something I wanted to do right then.

Why do people excuse other jerks this way. Do they think it makes the victim feel better? To me it feels like I am being told, my feelings are somehow wrong. That I don't have the right to have them. Now I am the one in the wrong?

He didn't mean anything by it...

Then why did he do it, and why to this particular person (me in this case)? Was it just his turn to be a jerk that day? I have a button purchased from a store run by the father of an autistic son. It says. " I have Aspergers, what's your excuse." It never ceases to amaze me, why people think they can do things with an aspie or other similar condition that they wouldn't do to others.

If I stuttered would he get away with it. If I was blind would he put things in my path to fall over? When I tried to get some accommodations for my children, I had to remind the school administrator that she didn't make the boy with cerebral palsy run laps.

It's not that they don't know about Aspergers and the fact that we have it. Has it just become acceptable to make fun of some people but not others? I have read many articles from tall or underweight people who get comments on their height or weight. These same jerks wouldn't dream of coming up to an overweight person and saying. Gee I wish I was your size, or how much food do you eat? Were you always fat? Would they walk up to a little person and say, Are Are your parents short too? What about your kids? Of course not

He's a really a good person.... Gee I didn't know that torturing the disabled was a trait that good people have. Bet he tortures cats and squirrels too.

But you're not really disabled. Gee The government sure thinks I am, and I hear they are pretty picky.

But he does so much for the church. What, so if it's not Sunday, he can be a dolt?

Don't take it so personally. That's my favorite. How else can you take an assault on your person. He's not a jerk to everybody and if he is why are you defending him.

Somebody please explain these things to me. Why are some people so mean? and more to the point, why do other people let them get away with it, and make excuses for them? I just don't get it. It's so much easier to say. I'm sorry he hurt you. I wish he wouldn't have done that. More credible too.

Ok I'm done.

No comments: